Coffee Session at School (2)

Quote from book “Maria Montessori : Her Life and Her Work”

” Montessori method is based fairly and squarely on the spontaneous activity of the intellect.

It was usually taken for granted that it was not natural for children to work for any length of time without the stimulus of some extraneous motive. They would play continuously for long periods, but work – no! An important part of the teacher’s art, therefore, consisted in knowing how to keep their attention fixed on the matter in hand – sugaring the pills in various ways, which included the use of rewards and punishments.

Montessori’s view of the matter is quite different. If children do not reveal a desire to work spontaneously, the fault lies not in the children but in the manner of presenting the subjects to be studied. She believes that if children are bored, inattentive, uncomprehending, it is because the methods of teaching used present insuperable barriers to the “spontaneous” functioning of the child’s mind.”

Following my blog post last week on “Coffee Session at School” I had been trying to figure out why Julian does not seem to be very interested in learning alphabets and sounds in school and home.

When I was reading this book, the quote is an answer to me. It brought me to see things from another perspective. Not him, but me… Nagging at him to sit still, scolding him to pay attention is going to bring his interest even further away. Can’t expect him to pay attention with no interest too…

Next step… BE POSITIVE!

Hmm.. and explore new ways to bring the subject to him…

How character is formed in a child

I am now reading a book called Compass by James B. Stenson.

In this book, the author relates his 30 years experiences with families and parents who have lived as great leaders in family life. He summarizes the lessons and experiences on how these parents had succeeded in their sacred mission of raising their children right.

One of the topic that caught my attention and I thought it will be worth sharing here for all to ponder on…

 

How character in formed?

The collective experience of family life everywhere shows that children seem to acquire character in 3 ways, and in this order:

1. Example – What children witness, and then imitate, in the lives of their parents and other adults whom they respect 
2. Directed Practice – What children are led to do, or are made to do repeatedly (despite their resistance), by parents and other respected adults
3. Word – What children hear from parents and others as explanation of what they witness and are led to do

Stenson provided a list of questions for us to think about setting ourselves as examples. 

• Where, under what circumstances at home, do your children witness you living responsibly?
• When do they see you stick with a task, refusing to quit?
• How do they learn about your thoughtful judgment, your ethical principles?
• What sort of family conversation do they overhear at home – or is TV noise drowning you out?
• Where and when do they see you exercise self- controlled moderation in food, drink and entertainment?
• When do they see and hear you pray at home, or anywhere else?
• Do they see you treat God as a person to whom we owe love, gratitude, and obedience?
• Do they ever see you work, where your character strengths are on full throttle?
• Do they see you practice courtesy (please, thank you, and actions that show these attitudes) toward your spouse and guests – and indeed, toward them?
• Do they see you happy from doing good, not just feeling good?
• Do they see your acts of loving service (and theirs) lead to your satisfaction, peace and joy?
• Do they see and hear you express how grateful you are that you married your spouse, a person of great character?
• Do they see you determined to struggle against your faults, to become a better person yourself – so that everyone in the family, not just the children, is moved by an active spiritual ideal?

In sum, parents cannot teach character effectively unless they first set example for their children. If you want to be a good parent, you must struggle first to be a good person.

This is a piece of mind blowing reflection for me. It sounds so common sense but so difficult to achieve. There is battle to fight within myself before I can set a good example for my children.